And now I lay me down to sleep

– but not without a few rambling phrases, as is my wont. Just got back from mates Ian & Jo’s entertainment delights, fuelled by red wine and spag bol – I ask you, what more does an evening need?! So I’m a trifle tiddly as I type these few words to bring the happenins faithful up to speed on what’s been going down with me lately…

Well, for starters I’ve just had the most awesome time at my hypnotherapy course – we learned some exceedingly powerful techniques for dealing with phobias and PTSD. Now I just need to find some traumatised friends to work on. But you’re all so sorted! Bah – I need more friends with serious issues or psychotic tendencies…

Never mind – I’ve got my first exam at the beginning of May, so I’d better go and find some victims to practice on. But in the meantime, a holiday in the homeland looms – and I can ply my non-smoking wares on my unsuspecting sister. Except I think she does suspect…

Anyway – in other news, we have to bid a sad farewell to Pope John Paul II. A sad loss to Catholicism, for sure, even if that’s not really relevant to me anymore. But my claim to fame is that my grandmother took Holy Communion from him on his visit to Knock shrine in the west of Ireland some 25-odd years ago. And I have photographic proof – well, I can get it.

Funny how the tabloid press has been all wrapped up in Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles having to delay their wedding out of respect for the deceased pontiff – I mean, it may not be their faith, but it was the least they could do! Sod it, they’ve had to endure an unwanted marriage apiece – they can surely wait another day to get married!

And has anybody seen the photos of Tony Blair and Cherie Booth gracing the front of the Daily ExMailRag? Cherie, looking all pious and grief-stricken with black veil, mourning a religious leader whom I’m sure she never gave a second thought to before the photo-opp came. I guess you gotta play those media opportunities – especially with a general election in the offing, which Tony was so good as to delay announcing by 24 hours in the wake of the Pope’s death. Never misses a trick, that lad.

But enough – the 5th of May is when the torture will be over for another four years, and the wizards of spin will have to go find other work for a while. Except for Alastair Campbell, who will no doubt continue muck-raking and swearing his way through the halls of power. I could be misled, but wasn’t there a time when ‘spin’ was achieved by powerful oratory? These days, it seems that any idiot can employ the best speech writers and smear tacticians to make himself look good. I’m sorry – did I say that out loud?

Nevermind. I’m still undecided as to how I’ll vote, if at all. I won’t vote Tory, that’s for sure – check out the lines from their current electioneering billboards:

“How hard can it be to keep a hospital clean???” – pretty bloody hard, I suspect – and you can do better? How?!
“It’s not racist to limit immigration” – eugh! Jingoism and xenophobia rampant;
“How would you feel if a bloke on early release raped your daughter?” – downright offensive!

All tied up with the tagline: “Are you thinking what we’re thinking?” – hm, I’d have to say a resounding “NO!”

I’m sorry – but I’m fed up with this negative campaigning bollocks! Why the hell can’t the political parties act like the adult, educated people they’re supposed to be, rise above the gutter they’re playing in, and tell us what they’re going to *DO* rather than what the other parties are doing wrong? It’s all lies, damn lies and soundbites – welcome to the political landscape of 21st century Britain.

And with that, I’m off to sulk in my self-righteous bed. Anyone that interprets this post as an invitation to stimulating political debate – you’ve got the wrong guy, my friend. I just like bitching about stuff. 😀